Eye of Modok

Living in a non-English-speaking country, the word “hello” can take on a whole new meaning. During my stay in Japan, from the mid 80’s to early 90’s, I was often amazed at the different ways this simple greeting could be uttered. Young children who had never seen a blue-eyed gaijin would usually be bursting with excitement. I was more than happy to stop and chat with them if they were bold enough to run up. Often as not, small groups of children would wave enthusiastically and were content with a smile and a wave in return. There were, however, many degrees of haaro.

Black clad yakuza wannabes with tightly permed hair who liked to congregate in front of train stations and ogle women, harass passersby and otherwise tax their brains coming up with creative ways to annoy people and thereby warrant the attention they so desperately need, would somehow manage to convey both condescension and challenge in the simple word “hello.” Teenagers would likewise usually take more of a smartass approach and attempt to characterize the dumb foreigner with an exaggerated, “Haaaarooooooooooo.” In either case, you could always judge by the quality of the laughter how many points they were scoring with their companions for their efforts. On rare occasions, I actually managed to hear some very seductive hellos, as well.

Well, that is certainly not the case in China. After two and half years, I’ve gone numb from the aural bombardment that constantly assails me. A walk down the street around any market designed to attract foreign tourists can be taxing.

“Hello, DVD!!” I ignore the first volley without breaking stride.

“HeLLO!!! DVD!!!!” Still ignoring.

“HELLO!!! DVD!!! SEX!!!” This is usually a last ditch effort thrown at my receding back.

Of course, to the uninitiated, it is harder to ignore. Any attention whatsoever will have them in your face, harassing you until either buy something or yell at them with enough vigor to actually make them go away. Although they are usually peddling pirated DVDs, it’s not uncommon to hear, “Hello, socks!” or “Hello, polo shirts.” I actually heard a new one yesterday, “Hello, books!”

For a while, after I’d been here for six months or so, I used to reply to them, in an exasperated voice, “My name is.. NOT .. DVD!!” As this seemed to have no effect but to cause them to chase me further, I settled into my current tactic of just ignoring them.

If you value peace and quiet and hate being approached by strangers, you will definitely be in for a long a period of adjustment if you visit China. A trip to any market place will bring a steady stream of shouts from the hawkers as they compete for your business the only way they know how… yelling more loudly than the next guy. Same goes for the Internet. Visit a Chinese site and witness the spectacle of 100 animated banners flashing brightly in an attempt to outshine the rest.